“One of the most important ways to develop self worth is to respect yourself. This means not putting yourself down and learning to assert yourself when you feel that your boundaries have been crossed or ignored.”  -Author Unknown

On the heels of the last post, Talk Back, this quote caught my eye as it touches on some of my  favorite topics: self worth, self talk and boundaries.

I hear time and time again, “I am not worthy… (of this or that)” or the excuse of… “Must be my worthiness issue.” This quote sums up the importance of not only setting boundaries but speaking up for ourselves when someone has crossed that fine line of one of our boundaries.

What is more common is to beat up on ourselves when someone does or says something not nice or WHAT WE PERCEIVE to be not nice.  It may have nothing to do with us; but, our inner critic has a field day with negative self talk.

When we speak up for ourselves either to that inner critic OR to someone that crossed one of our boundaries,  it is an act of self love and respect which only creates self worth.

Much to my mother’s surprise I am going to spend a few moments encouraging you to TALK BACK!

Disempowerment, depression, anxiety, simple stress, big stress, loss of focus, anger, over eating, drinking or spending, suffering of any kind, the list goes on and on….All of this starts with a thought.

It’s time to monitor our thoughts! Each experience we have whether it be negative or positive begins with a simple thought. The question is, do we choose to  buy into it or not. The key word being CHOOSE.

We CAN disagree with what we are hearing in our minds.We are not helpless to our thoughts.  Our thoughts randomly and continuously come throughout the day. It’s time we ask ourselves, “Do they make me feel good?” OR “Do they make me feel bad?” It’s time we pay attention to what’s free flowing out of our minds. When the first, very small negative thought occurs, pay attention and notice that another one follows a bit larger than the first, then the next a bit larger etc. It’s very rare that we get hit with a whallop of  negative thoughts at once. BUT, the small one’s can build into giant one’s in about a minute. This is due to the Law of Attraction that states “like attracts like.” Therefore, one thought attracts another thought just like it, and with a lot of emotion behind it, that next thought is bigger and stronger than the first. This is why we sometimes feel like we were hit with an avalanche of negative thoughts. It’s a powerful law. This is also why awareness is SO important and stopping the FIRST negative thought as it comes into our awareness.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

TALK BACK to ourselves. When we hear that first negative statement, decide if you want to accept it or not. Here’s a hint….if it makes you feel bad, don’t accept it!

For example, if we hear ourselves saying something like, “I’ll never find a new job in this economy, I’m stuck!” We can respond, to that statement inside our heads and boldly state to ourselves, “Not true!” In that moment, the negative feed that’s coming down the pipeline has stopped!

HAVE A STATEMENT READY

When we hear, “I’m not good enough,” “Not pretty enough,” Won’t pick me because…””Never lose weight…etc. ” Pick a statement, they come all day long! What we can do is have a statement ready to combat the negative statement. So when we hear anything at all that’s negative, we can say “CANCEL,”  “I LOVE MYSELF,”  “I AM WORTHY,” “I AM POWERFUL”or “NOT TRUE!” etc. pick an empowering statement that can be said immediately after the negative statement and use it.  Sometimes the positive statement has to be said over and over. Just keep saying it!

THE CHALLENGE

Try for the rest of the day today not to say anything negative about yourself or anyone. I am not asking to be positive, just stop every time a negative thought comes to mind. This is excellent practice and ultimately if practiced often, life changing.

Our THOUGHTS are SO POWERFUL, they create our realities. We MUST pay attention and begin to talk back to ourselves when we have negative statements or thoughts. Once a negative statement begins, it’s a slippery slope and the others come fast. If we stop them quickly, after hearing the first one, it is without a doubt that our lives, our realities will begin to show up differently, better, more joyful, it is law.

This is an amazing video from the TED conference on vulnerability. Stepping into vulnerability can change a person from the inside out. It will also improve all relationships. This video gives fabulous reasons why vulnerability is something we all need to consider and step into.

December 31st  is the day that everyone around the world creates their new year’s resolutions. I know at my gym I will not be able to find an elliptical machine and have to wait to get on the nautilus because of all of the people that have resolved to lose weight and get in shape this year. The good news is that by mid February the gym will be back to normal because everyone will have given up on most of their resolutions and gone back to “normal.”

With such great intentions and excitement on New Years to make our life changes, it’s interesting to me that so many of us can’t make that change and hold it not only for the remainder of the year but for their lifetime!

I have a theory on why this is and what to do about it.

When we have an idea, it comes from our conscious mind, a thought. On New Year’s Eve, we have thoughts about what changes we would like to make within our lives for the year. We decide, “THIS is how I am going to change and I’m sticking to it!”

The problem with just a conscious thought about a change is just that, it’s just a thought about it. To make a lasting change, it needs to become a belief, to go deeper into our mind, our subconscious.  This is when  resolutions stick. But the majority of us, have resolutions that lose steam after a month because they are simply a conscious thought.

For my birthday in November I was given the cd/book “Getting into the Vortex” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. I have never seen such profound results so quickly within myself, friends, family and clients.

This is a guided meditation cd broken into 4 -15 minute meditations-Well Being, Physical Well Being, Financial Prosperity and Relationships. 15 minutes a day CAN and WILL change your life. Spend 15 minutes a day with this and before you realize it, you may notice an unexplained calmness, peace, abundance, relationship improvement/healing, anger fade, work improvement. This guided meditation eases conscious thoughts into the subconscious mind where resolutions will hold.

Going deeper than the conscious mind and even subconscious mind, this cd meditation reconnects us with our “source,” where we came from, the greater part of who we are, God. This is not a religious cd, simply a guided meditation with breathing.

So when ready, purchase this amazing gift for yourself. It will help to make resolutions stick as well as change your life in ways you can’t imagine.

A few months ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s been an interesting journey and have had many epiphanies that I am excited to share.

The question that my mother has asked since her diagnoses is, “How did this happen to me?” Being that she is in my family, she has been exposed to the Law of Attraction (what you think about comes about/manifests in your life.)

My mother’s mother died of breast cancer and my mother’s sister is a survivor of breast cancer. With this disease “running in the family” my mother decided long ago that this was “not for her” and “she would never get cancer.” She held the belief, “I’ll never get breast cancer.” My belief has always been that a gene may run in the family but it’s the vibration of the illness and buying into it that gets passed down the family.

Because of my mother now developing this disease she has asked me repeatedly about how she “attracted” this in. I am not God but I do have my theories…

The Law of Attraction states that “Like attracts Like” and “What you think about comes about.” These are cute little statements but what do they really mean and how do they really work. With disease we want a deeper meaning of this Law.

ENERGY AND VIBRATION

We know and scientists have proven that EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. Energy also holds a vibration (meaning, it moves either fast or slow or somewhere in between). Because everything is energy, our thoughts are also energy as are our emotions and feelings. A positive emotion and thought illicit a light, expanded feeling in our body (fast moving energy) and a negative emotion carries a heavy and contracted feeling in our bodies (because of the energy moving slower).

The Law of Attraction matches our vibration, and we must tune into our body to determine how a given statement feels then we will know what is being manifested for us.

Remember the universe doesn’t hear words like “no, not or never,” it’s matching our feeling.

The universe reads the dominant vibration ALWAYS. When my mother was stating all of this time, “I’ll never get breast cancer,” the dominant vibration is “breast cancer!” The better statement would be, “My body maintains excellent health” or “I am healthy!” For a moment, state these two statements out loud and feel the difference. Where do you feel it in your body? Which statement feels better? “I’ll never get breast cancer.” OR “I am healthy!” The latter is expansive and feels better. THAT would be the vibration I would want manifested in my life.

My guess is that my mother did have fear of disease or tragedy etc. and that was her dominant vibration. There are many variables and disease is not this black and white. But I know for sure that Law of Attraction is ALWAYS on, and always working.

While exploring my mother’s dominant vibration with her, we discovered that in the last year she had lost 2 of her close friends to cancer, another two were diagnosed and treated for breast cancer and yet another had quadrouple bypass surgery. Now for anyone THAT would be a lot to handle. More importantly, we examined what her feelings and emotions were around these events. We discovered fear of death, disease and tragedy. So regardless of her thoughts, her dominant feelings were fears.

SO WHAT COULD SHE HAVE DONE TO HELP HERSELF?

When something “bad” happens, we tend not to want to feel it. We may acknowledge it, cry about it but don’t process it. We are taught as children to “be strong,” “don’t let things get you down” etc. We have a lot of programming in our brains that don’t serve us. We learn when something bad happens we need to disassociate from it, basically take our energy out of our body so we don’t really feel it.

Instead what’s better for us is to feel what happens to us. Notice in our body where the fear, sadness, anger resides. Is it in our stomach? Throat? Chest tight? Where is that energy in the body? Notice it and be with it. Allow the emotion to process through the body until it’s gone. We may cry, punch something or just notice the energy move. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The important part is to allow the energy to move out of our energy field and not keep it in the field.

When we keep the negative energy (unprocessed emotion) in our field it becomes our new dominant vibration, our new point of attraction.

My mom has a mastectomy over Thanksgiving and is now cancer free.  It’s been quite the experience for her as she is healing physically and emotionally and is now willing to look at some things in the past year that could have triggered this as well as looking into her future and how she is going to live a more balanced life, with less stress, more meditation and paying attention to her words, her vibration and how they feel in her body.

I welcome any questions or comments on this topic as always.

This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed as I had a “to do list” longer than the hours in a day and it just kept growing. This anxiety had been coming on for days as my work schedule, kids sports and school schedule,  and simply maintaining a home was taking over my life and the hours in a day to “get it all done” seemed to evaporate and before I knew it I would be looking at 11pm every.

My mind kept telling me that it would only get worse as the work/travel for work/sports/school- schedule went on. Less time, more to do, less time, more to do….(the broken record in my head). I began hearing myself state to my friends and family, “I have no time to get it all done!”” I’ll never get everything done.” “I’m so stressed!”

The kind, ever so perfect universe and the law of attraction simply matched my thoughts and beliefs of “so stressed and not enough time” and created for me more and more items on my to do list! So today I awoke with rapid heartbeat and the slight anxiety that I had had for days was full on anxiety, as I replayed my drama in my head.

I knew the only way out of this anxiety was to sit. Meditation is THE BEST drug on the market AND it’s FREE!  My ego/mind kept telling me for days that I had so much to do that I had no time to sit and “do nothing” (as my mind would tell me-(to meditate) so I kept pushing it off.

I chose to do it anyway…

In my meditation after a few minutes of silence I asked for guidance on how to help me to “find my way home.” I needed to hit “reset” on my life and get back to balance.

I immediately felt a “whoosh” in my heart center and then felt warmth fill me up and then expand out into the room. I sat in silence for minutes (which felt like an hour) and asked how to maintain this state. I heard very clearly the word, “Live in the Present.” I felt so light and peaceful, as if a warm comforter had been wrapped around me. I sat in gratitude for a few moments and decided to get up and go for a walk.

As I walked I saw the birds and the colors so differently, they were vibrant and beautiful, like I had never seen! I then had a thought about how I could not wait to blog about my experience and I began to think about what I was going to say. As my mind began to race again I heard very softly, “present.” I realized that I was completely out of the present and had allowed my ego/mind to take over and bring me into the future of writing my blog. I couldn’t believe how easily I had slipped out of that magnificent state. I chose to jump back in and as I did my power walk, I looked at everything as if seeing the outdoors for the first time. It was work to stay present moment as throughout the rest of the hour my mind kept drifting to the past or future and then I would redirect to present.

What an amazing walk I had. For those of us that have a difficult time sitting in silence and meditating, this is another fabulous way to meditate-Walking Meditation. It takes work and practice to live in the moment but the more we do it the easier it becomes.

Anything that can shift anxiety to peace in minutes is worth trying and incorporating into our daily routine. Even if it’s just for a few moments a day, practice living in the present, it’s where anxiety and stress DON’T live.

In my meditation this morning, I was sitting in silence and began asking a few questions about my day and how I may serve. I immediately “knew” the answers. It happened so quickly it amazed me.

I realized that all of life’s answers are in the present moment because this is where God sits and waits, patiently, lovingly and without judgment, for us to come and merge with him.

When we sit present moment and stop our thoughts, we begin to feel and remember we are part of something MUCH greater. We merge with the divine and we remember there is no separation, only the oneness. It is the ego that wants us to believe we are separate, not worthy, not good enough, not loveable etc. and wants to pull us away from the silence, the oneness.

I was amazed at what I automatically just knew this morning. Even more than what I knew it was the feeling that came over me, the calmness and peace. God emerges through us and we step into the all knowing stream of truth. All of the answers and wisdom that we seek are sitting there waiting for us in the present moment.

What we focus on determines our state. When something happens in our day, we get to choose how we see it-through the eyes (or filter) of the love end of the spectrum or from the fear end of the spectrum. If we choose to see something from the fear side of the spectrum, we may experience anger, fear, frustration or perhaps resentment. It’s all a choice. Have you ever been with someone and watched a movie with them and you cry and they don’t or vice versa? Have you ever been with a group of friends and someone in that group told you about something that happened to them and that friend was raging mad and upset about it. But as you listened, you could not understand why she was so upset; in fact half the group could not see it. This is due to our filters of how we see and experience the world. If our filters are set in more of the fear spectrum, we will have experiences in our lives that get us upset or angry easily. We tend to experience more of the victim mentality if our filters are set down in fear.

Likewise, if we have filters that are more on the love side of the spectrum, we don’t get bothered by much and have happy, balanced days most days. It takes a lot to get us down. It’s like that saying goes, “Is your glass half empty or half full?” Half empty people live more on the fear side of the spectrum and half full live on the love side.

So how do we change? It’s a choice. When something in our experience happens, we in that moment get to choose how we react, most of us just react. The next time something happens, slow down and ask, “Is there any other way I can see this?” “Was my husband really just being mean to me or could he be upset about something else?” “I know my friend really loves me so her reaction doesn’t make sense to me, I’ll give her time.” or how about this one, “That guy just cut me off and almost hit my car…is it possible he isn’t thinking properly? Could something terrible have just happened in his life this morning?” I remember when my father passed away, I cut people off (unintentionally) and probably should not have been driving. There are ALWAYS many, many ways to see and interpret an experience. We base our reactions on our past and what our parents did or what we learned from friends or even media. We get to choose differently.

Empower yourself with your thoughts and ask yourself the next time something happens, “how can I see this from another person’s point of view, in fact let me see if there are multiple points of view and let me choose the one that feels best to me and makes me feel best about myself.”  Choose the thought that feels best and we begin to live from the love end of the spectrum and happiness will prevail and become our dominant emotional state.

The more we consciously choose coming from love the faster our neuro-pathways in our brain change and eventually coming from the love spectrum becomes our natural subconscious (automatic) preference.

My 12 year old recently saw an old friend that he hadn’t seen in over a year. He was excited to see his friend but after spending just 30 minutes with her he said he felt really tired and was having a hard time hanging out with her (because of the fatigue). When he commented to me about the fatigue I asked him to contemplate what he was thinking/saying to himself, and sent him back to play. I knew intuitively that he was not physically tired but that it was an emotional/energy drain.

On our way home, I asked him to go back to the time period when he felt tired with his friend. (I wanted to use this as a real life learning example for him.)

I asked him to think back to what was going through his mind and what he was feeling.  Of course at first his response was, “I don’t know.” My response was yes you do know, now sit with it and get your thoughts and feelings around that time period.

Sure enough, he said to me, “I felt like I might get judged by her.”  I exclaimed, “Perfect!” “What else?” I asked him to reflect on if he felt: too young, too short, too skinny, hair too short, not good enough etc.

He answered, “Yes, a lot of those things.”

I let him know that the ego/mind is in charge of keeping us safe. It is the part of us that tells us that someone else is judging us and what they are ‘probably’ saying and that we need to get out of there FAST! My son wanted to stay but the ego/mind was screaming, “Red alert! Judging! Get out of here and fast!” But he stayed and got fatigued because his energy drained out of his emotional body. Too ‘scary’ to stay, to painful to be judged were probably the thoughts that were coming to him (consciously and subconsciously).

I reminded him how ‘tricky’ the ego can be and that so much of what it whispers to us is not true. It’s our job to disagree with the ego mind and only put in statements that are positive and empowering and not buy into the limiting beliefs such as what happened to him.

At 42 years old, I, like all of us deal with the ego mind. I loved this example of how it sneaks up on us and can create fatigue. Empower yourself with your thoughts and watch your energy amplify in minutes.

In addition to meditation, I use a variety of breathing techniques that create a balanced state. One of them that I love is “Pulling in Light.”

Here’s how to do it:

Imagine a round ball of light (like a disco ball)  about 2 feet above your head.

Take a deep breath in and imagine from the disco ball, light coming down through the ball in through the crown of the head and into the body. Imagine the light being any color that comes to mind OR a golden or white light. This light rests first in the heart then after filling up the heart center and lung area, it moves down with every inhalation, filling up the solar plexus (3rd chakra area -above the naval), then the 2nd chakra, (below the belly button)  and eventually the light pulls into the ground roots us on the earth. See the roots shooting from the bottom of your feet into the earth.

Next, imagine the light coming down through your crown and resting  in the throat area and now  filling this area up. Next, pull the light into the  6th chakra/3^rd eye (between the brows) and lastly, imagine the light coming into the top of the head (crown) and then shooting back up to the heavens.

Continue to breath in the light and go back to the heart center, watching it in your minds eye, expanding out and eventually filling up the entire room. There is no time requirement to do this. 1 minute would be of benefit if you don’t do any other  intentional breathing, but doing this for 5 minutes minimally would be ideal.

This breathing exercise pulls an abundance of universal light into your body which promotes healing on all levels of your being (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual). It is also extremely relaxing and centering. You may see colors and that’s fine. You cannot get this wrong, only right, which leads to total relaxation….