Everyone said thank you and how sorry they were for saying they were coming and then cancelling at the last minute etc. I felt nothing after the first few regrets came in but then began feeling an angry monster inside of me start to awaken with every regret that came in thereafter. A few of my friends commented that it was awful to cancel so last minute etc. This was like throwing fuel on the fire. I could feel this anger rise up inside of me and I began to chime in with my friends on how terrible it was then I decided to stop. DECIDED is the key word here.

I was about to text one of my friends in the class (that was coming) and I stopped dead in my tracks and put my phone down. I said to myself, “why do I need to create drama around this?” “It’s not personal…” “In fact it’s actually a good thing…” “Now I have an entire day to myself to work on my blogs and ebook!” What a blessing in disguise! There is always a silver lining to every cloud, we have to choose to see it!

What I realized was how quickly we all create drama. When we buy in to disappointment  and make it about us and how sad “it” is that “this” happened to us we have created drama. Then we have friends and family feeling sorry for us, talking about how terrible “so and so treated us” blah blah blah. I decided I am NOT going there anymore! I sat and tried to find one positive quality to drama and realized, there is NOTHING good about it!

When I responded to a couple people with, “No big deal, I’ve moved on, going to make great use of my day off,” the drama stopped. The response I got was much different. It changed their response from, “I’m so sorry” to “Good for you!”

In every moment we create our realities. By me falling into the victim trap of making it about me and it’s so sad, etc. I’m only creating more of that for me.

None of us need drama in our lives. It doesn’t serve us! It’s distracting, a waste of time, throws us emotionally out of balance  into the victim place and is completely inauthentic. Yet, the temptation increases to go there when life hands us the short end of the stick. We must be strong and resist the minds trickery, to suck us into the victim/drama place. We feel much better when we rise above and stay in the empowered place…ALWAYS.

Brene Brown
From the book:
“The Gifts of Imperfection” Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life

What I have noticed, is how uncomfortable we are with receiving compliments! When we receive a compliment we quickly rebut with downplaying the compliment, or even avoiding it, as if it’s somehow painful to acknowledge.  The typical response is: “Oh, these shoes, I got them at Target on sale.” OR “This outfit, I have had it for years!” OR “You are just seeing my son on a good day, usually he is not this well behaved.”

Why can’t we let people see that we may have a great kid?! Why can’t we proudly wear an outfit regardless of the age? Why must we make excuses and deflect when we receive a compliment?

The biggest question is why can’t we just say “THANK YOU” when we receive a compliment? Thank you can be a complete sentence! There is no explaining necessary, no excuses needed, just  “Thank You.”

I became aware that as I was teaching my children about apologizing to each other after a disagreement or if one of them hurt the other one, their exchange to each other was typically something like this, “Sorry for hitting you,” and the response was, “It’s ok.” When I was really listening to this response it dawned on me… WHEN IS IT EVER OK FOR SOMEONE TO HIT YOU?????  When I began to think deeper about this I realized that we adults say the same thing! Our typical response is, “It’s ok,” or “It’s fine,” or even worse,  “Don’t worry about it, it’s over.”

WHEN DID IT BECOME OK FOR SOMEONE TO HURT US AND THAT THEY SHOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT IT???

My realization is that whether it be compliments or apologies the response need be the same, “Thank you.” For some reason, this feels like a difficult response for both. The difficulty stems from the issue of worthiness and how we treat ourselves. Both a compliment and receiving a sincere apology are energies of the heart. This means that when we deflect them, we are not allowing ourselves to take in heart energy or love energy. Another way of saying this is that we don’t feel worthy of receiving the love coming in and can’t accept it.

Ask yourself, do you allow yourself to receive a compliment or an apology? How does it make you feel when someone compliments you or apologizes to you? Are you worthy of it? Why on earth wouldn’t you be?

When did we get so good at putting ourselves down? Whether it be a compliment or an apology, start using the response, “Thank you.” The simple exercise of saying “Thank You” can shift us emotionally, from  feelings of unworthiness to worthy, from deflecting love for self to accepting love for self.  Self love is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and it all begins with a simple “Thank You.”

On the heels of the last post, Talk Back, this quote caught my eye as it touches on some of my  favorite topics: self worth, self talk and boundaries.

I hear time and time again, “I am not worthy… (of this or that)” or the excuse of… “Must be my worthiness issue.” This quote sums up the importance of not only setting boundaries but speaking up for ourselves when someone has crossed that fine line of one of our boundaries.

What is more common is to beat up on ourselves when someone does or says something not nice or WHAT WE PERCEIVE to be not nice.  It may have nothing to do with us; but, our inner critic has a field day with negative self talk.

When we speak up for ourselves either to that inner critic OR to someone that crossed one of our boundaries,  it is an act of self love and respect which only creates self worth.

I feel I was born to do the work that I do as a holistic counselor and will never give that up but as we moved through the last year, it was clear that some extra money would be really helpful.

As they say, ‘be careful what you ask for because you just might get it’ is absolutely true. Not only did I add  more counseling clients per week but a new (side) business presented itself that excited me as it has to do with vacations/travel.

One of the things I study and teach is the Law of Attraction, what you think about comes about, and man did it. This (side) business is booming and my counseling client base has increased again. I also more than ever feel  a book on transformation is going to be coming through me this summer.  So for the last 2 months I have plunged myself into my work. Unfortunately my blog postings and other writings got pushed aside-“to get to later.”

I have missed my blog writings and have pages of notes on topics and experiences that happened over the last 2 months that I wrote down for this blog.

My life fell out of balance for 2 months but I am back! What a great learning experience for myself and teaching tool as well. I am grateful for this experience but apologetic to all of you that have graciously subscribed to this blog.

I am back and writing again, my life is back in balance (thank goodness). Look for weekly postings. They are on there way!

Thanks and blessings to all of you.

PS. If there is a topic of interest that you would like to read more about please let me know. I love your emails and suggestions!

Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life by Dr. Susan M. Campbell

To live an authentic life we must make commitments for ourselves and stick with them. Fear leads us down the “I’ll try” path. It’s our way out, our excuse before we fail. We set ourselves up to fail by using the word try.

My husband recently said to me, “I am going to try and get up early to get an extra early start to work Monday morning.” (He is NOT a morning person and getting up early is NOT his thing). I responded, “If you really want to get up early, then don’t try, just do it!” “Make that commitment to yourself.”

When we come home at the end of the day, we don’t walk in the house and try and sit on the couch. We just sit, we are clear, we are tired and need some relief on our legs, time to sit. When we are thirsty, we don’t try and drink a glass of water, we drink the water!

Think of all of the things in our lives we ‘try’ and do…

Lose weight, commit to an exercise plan, get a new hobby or job, meditate, make new friends, get involved with a charity, watch less television, read a new book a month etc.

Trying doesn’t work! We must clearly decide and commit to either doing something or not. When we do, a tidal wave of energy lines up with our intention and it’s difficult for our desire not to happen.

When we are faced with making a decision or commitment, pause, check in with the true heart feeling about it. If it feels right in the moment then commit 100%. If more time is needed then tell the person, “I’ll get back with you with a response.” Use that time to really get clear on what the heart is saying. What’s our truth, a clear yes or a clear no? Do not respond with “I’ll try” or “maybe.”

We must push ourselves to be our best by committing to things in life that make us all that we can be. Holding a clear intention of commitment to anything from attending a party to losing 30 pounds is powerful. Isn’t it time to push through fears of “being scared,”  “not ready yet” or “it’s too hard”? No more excuses, don’t try, just do, your life is waiting.