We all want something…more money, a better relationship with someone, our boss to like us, more friends, weight loss, to overcome a fear, something. Take your pick.

What we typically do is want and wait for “it” to happen. When “it” doesn’t happen we give up and go back to things the way they were. Many of us even say, “I tried but it didn’t happen for me.”

One way to make some serious changes in our lives is to “Act As If” we have already accomplished our goal. Let nothing get in our way, let no one sway us otherwise, just do it.

If we want that better relationship with our husband, it won’t happen automatically. First decide what you want:  More communication, more sex, intimacy, pick one. Think then for a moment how you would react or treat him differently when your desires are met. Imagine in your mind him treating you as you desire and how you will react to that. Then continue acting as if he is treating you this way and continue living this way. Acting as if…

Another example is money. If you want more money in your life, imagine for a moment how you will feel when more  money comes in. How will you emotionally live differently? How will you feel? How will you speak? Act this way, maintain that feeling and just watch as the income shifts.

The reason for this is that we are a (vibrational) match to everything in our lives. The Law of Attraction teaches us that like (vibrations) attract like (vibrations). If we don’t have enough money in our life experience it’s because we are holding beliefs that state we won’t have enough money.

If we have a relationship with our mate where we lack intimacy, there is something within us that states intimacy is unsafe or something our spouse should instigate, or some other belief. It’s something within US that is causing US to get exactly what is in our life, good or bad. If we don’t like what we have in our life experience WE must shift OUR thoughts/feelings about it, which shifts our inner vibration.

Here’s how we do it:

Ask yourself:
1. How will I emotionally feel when “X” happens? How will I act/react to things differently in my life experience after “X” happens?
2. Begin to live this way, as if “X” has already happened!
3. Watch your life begin to change as your desire becomes your reality.

What happens is we become a (vibrational) match for our desired outcome. This is true manifestation. Most of us want the outcome to happen first THEN our mood and attitude will change. We must change our attitude and reactions first and then watch our desires manifest.

To Act As If takes quieting our ego, it means we don’t listen to that inner voice when it says, “But he/she is wrong.” “He/She makes no effort, why should I?” “This is too hard, I’m not doing it.”

Try this empowering act  for a week and you will be surprised with the outcomes you can produce just by Acting As If. After a month, you too will wonder how things can change and manifest so quickly. Put yourself to the test, it will be well worth the effort. I guarantee it.

“One of the most important ways to develop self worth is to respect yourself. This means not putting yourself down and learning to assert yourself when you feel that your boundaries have been crossed or ignored.”  -Author Unknown

On the heels of the last post, Talk Back, this quote caught my eye as it touches on some of my  favorite topics: self worth, self talk and boundaries.

I hear time and time again, “I am not worthy… (of this or that)” or the excuse of… “Must be my worthiness issue.” This quote sums up the importance of not only setting boundaries but speaking up for ourselves when someone has crossed that fine line of one of our boundaries.

What is more common is to beat up on ourselves when someone does or says something not nice or WHAT WE PERCEIVE to be not nice.  It may have nothing to do with us; but, our inner critic has a field day with negative self talk.

When we speak up for ourselves either to that inner critic OR to someone that crossed one of our boundaries,  it is an act of self love and respect which only creates self worth.

What we focus on determines our state. When something happens in our day, we get to choose how we see it-through the eyes (or filter) of the love end of the spectrum or from the fear end of the spectrum. If we choose to see something from the fear side of the spectrum, we may experience anger, fear, frustration or perhaps resentment. It’s all a choice. Have you ever been with someone and watched a movie with them and you cry and they don’t or vice versa? Have you ever been with a group of friends and someone in that group told you about something that happened to them and that friend was raging mad and upset about it. But as you listened, you could not understand why she was so upset; in fact half the group could not see it. This is due to our filters of how we see and experience the world. If our filters are set in more of the fear spectrum, we will have experiences in our lives that get us upset or angry easily. We tend to experience more of the victim mentality if our filters are set down in fear.

Likewise, if we have filters that are more on the love side of the spectrum, we don’t get bothered by much and have happy, balanced days most days. It takes a lot to get us down. It’s like that saying goes, “Is your glass half empty or half full?” Half empty people live more on the fear side of the spectrum and half full live on the love side.

So how do we change? It’s a choice. When something in our experience happens, we in that moment get to choose how we react, most of us just react. The next time something happens, slow down and ask, “Is there any other way I can see this?” “Was my husband really just being mean to me or could he be upset about something else?” “I know my friend really loves me so her reaction doesn’t make sense to me, I’ll give her time.” or how about this one, “That guy just cut me off and almost hit my car…is it possible he isn’t thinking properly? Could something terrible have just happened in his life this morning?” I remember when my father passed away, I cut people off (unintentionally) and probably should not have been driving. There are ALWAYS many, many ways to see and interpret an experience. We base our reactions on our past and what our parents did or what we learned from friends or even media. We get to choose differently.

Empower yourself with your thoughts and ask yourself the next time something happens, “how can I see this from another person’s point of view, in fact let me see if there are multiple points of view and let me choose the one that feels best to me and makes me feel best about myself.”  Choose the thought that feels best and we begin to live from the love end of the spectrum and happiness will prevail and become our dominant emotional state.

The more we consciously choose coming from love the faster our neuro-pathways in our brain change and eventually coming from the love spectrum becomes our natural subconscious (automatic) preference.

When we say “I’ll try,” what we are really feeling is, “I don’t think I want to.”

To live an authentic life we must make commitments for ourselves and stick with them. Fear leads us down the “I’ll try” path. It’s our way out, our excuse before we fail. We set ourselves up to fail by using the word try.

My husband recently said to me, “I am going to try and get up early to get an extra early start to work Monday morning.” (He is NOT a morning person and getting up early is NOT his thing). I responded, “If you really want to get up early, then don’t try, just do it!” “Make that commitment to yourself.”

When we come home at the end of the day, we don’t walk in the house and try and sit on the couch. We just sit, we are clear, we are tired and need some relief on our legs, time to sit. When we are thirsty, we don’t try and drink a glass of water, we drink the water!

Think of all of the things in our lives we ‘try’ and do…

Lose weight, commit to an exercise plan, get a new hobby or job, meditate, make new friends, get involved with a charity, watch less television, read a new book a month etc.

Trying doesn’t work! We must clearly decide and commit to either doing something or not. When we do, a tidal wave of energy lines up with our intention and it’s difficult for our desire not to happen.

When we are faced with making a decision or commitment, pause, check in with the true heart feeling about it. If it feels right in the moment then commit 100%. If more time is needed then tell the person, “I’ll get back with you with a response.” Use that time to really get clear on what the heart is saying. What’s our truth, a clear yes or a clear no? Do not respond with “I’ll try” or “maybe.”

We must push ourselves to be our best by committing to things in life that make us all that we can be. Holding a clear intention of commitment to anything from attending a party to losing 30 pounds is powerful. Isn’t it time to push through fears of “being scared,”  “not ready yet” or “it’s too hard”? No more excuses, don’t try, just do, your life is waiting.

How often do we hear, “How does that make you feel?” versus “What do you think about…?”

When we begin asking ourselves “How does this make me feel” throughout the day we begin to shift our energy into the right brain, the intuitive, feeling part of our brain. This is where we connect into our essence, our soul, God. This question pulls our energy from the head and places it in our heart.

Many of us sit with unanswered questions about a relationship, a job, moving etc. we try so hard to ‘figure it out’ (which puts our energy in the head) when all we need to do is ‘sit with it’ in the heart and feel our truth. When we choose to feel something we get the answer from our divine essence, our soul, it’s the highest truth. We cannot get it wrong.

Start asking yourself, “How does this make me feel?” then come up with your feeling. Just be with it. There is nothing to ‘do’ with it. When we feel like we would like to take action or tell someone etc. we have shifted back into our left brain, our logical side, we have given power to the ego to take over. The ego reacts from fear, this will get us nowhere. Staying in the heart is the most empowering choice we can make for ourselves.

I noticed while stopping at a red light yesterday, I (unconsciously) picked up my cell phone. I was going to read a text and email. I instead sat there, radio off, put the phone down and asked myself ‘how do I feel?’ I was surprised to find that I felt uncomfortable with sitting there doing nothing! So I sat with my ‘uncomfortable’ feeling. This feeling dissipated after a minute and then I felt neutral. I was so excited that I pushed through! It was incredibly empowering. Every other red light I came to I just sat, present moment and was ‘with’ myself, completely. It felt amazing!

We can’t minimize the little moments like the red lights. We must find present moment and stay in our feeling place with the big moments and small. In our society we have a million things that can distract us and pull our attention away from the present moment, cell phones, texting, emails and computers are some of the biggest.

By continuing to ask ourselves this question, neurological pathways will re-route in the brain. Before you know it you will not have to think to ask yourself this question, it will become automatic.

When we are with our feelings, good or bad, we will stop reacting to what people say or do. The moment we react, we have given our power away, no one can take our power, it is only given. Sit and feel to find your truth, and hold your power. Ask yourself the question, “How does this make me feel,” and change your life forever.