What I have learned that helps is to have a “Default Thought” when we feel ourselves begin to slide emotionally. A default thought is a thought we can  immediately go to when something causes us to slide out of balance emotionally.

It can be a place in the past, present, future or even a made up place. We imagine that place when anything throws us emotionally. It will help us to disassociate from the situation causing us stress and bring us back to balance.

Buddism teaches us that when something happens in our experience, we need not let it “hook us,” to pull us in, to get lost in it feeling like we can’t get out.  When it “hooks us,” we begin to slide down the emotional scale, drowning with the emotion. We then reach for something to pull us out like food, alcohol, tv to numb our pain. We can accomplish the same relief in a positive way when we pull in our default thought.

Research has shown that a human emotion lasts only 1.5 minutes and it’s released. If we are feeling anything after 1.5 minutes, we are choosing to hold it unto ourselves.

Many people ask me how to let go of thoughts or emotions that are painful. This is one way to do this. It’s not as much about us letting them go or pushing them away it’s about changing our minds and focusing on something else. Then our distressing thought fades.

I have a friend who works as a teacher in a very rough inner city high school with gangs and lots of daily fighting. It is extremely difficult for my friend to pull herself out of bed and go to school everyday as every day is a challenge. I told her she only has 2 more months left but those 2 months feel like 10 years to her. I asked her if there was ever a time this year when she had a rewarding experience, one that made her smile and made her feel really great inside. She said yes, however there were just a few. I asked her to to focus on just one experience and how great it made her feel and when her thoughts guided her down a path of hating her job and couldn’t bare the thought of another day etc. I told her to force herself to think of that one experience that made her feel good (her new default thought). By doing this, the vibration of her being will shift into another emotional place, a new, balanced, peaceful and maybe even happy place.

Spend some time finding your default thought. It could be anything that evokes a feeling of peace, joy and/or happiness. It could be the day you met your true love, the birth of your child, a favorite place, a spot in nature, the ocean, a beautiful field of flowers, a tree where you used to sit under as a kid, laying in your bed. It could be anything.

After you find your default thought, practice “going there” even when you are not feeling emotionally out of balance. Then when you feel yourself slip and need to regain balance, quickly pull up your default thought. Close your eyes and be in your default thought. Spend as much time as you need in that thought. Tune into your body and notice if there is any tension left. If there is, sit longer, if not then continue on with your day. It will change your emotional state to that of more peace. Who doesn’t want to live with that?

What we typically do is want and wait for “it” to happen. When “it” doesn’t happen we give up and go back to things the way they were. Many of us even say, “I tried but it didn’t happen for me.”

One way to make some serious changes in our lives is to “Act As If” we have already accomplished our goal. Let nothing get in our way, let no one sway us otherwise, just do it.

If we want that better relationship with our husband, it won’t happen automatically. First decide what you want:  More communication, more sex, intimacy, pick one. Think then for a moment how you would react or treat him differently when your desires are met. Imagine in your mind him treating you as you desire and how you will react to that. Then continue acting as if he is treating you this way and continue living this way. Acting as if…

Another example is money. If you want more money in your life, imagine for a moment how you will feel when more  money comes in. How will you emotionally live differently? How will you feel? How will you speak? Act this way, maintain that feeling and just watch as the income shifts.

The reason for this is that we are a (vibrational) match to everything in our lives. The Law of Attraction teaches us that like (vibrations) attract like (vibrations). If we don’t have enough money in our life experience it’s because we are holding beliefs that state we won’t have enough money.

If we have a relationship with our mate where we lack intimacy, there is something within us that states intimacy is unsafe or something our spouse should instigate, or some other belief. It’s something within US that is causing US to get exactly what is in our life, good or bad. If we don’t like what we have in our life experience WE must shift OUR thoughts/feelings about it, which shifts our inner vibration.

Here’s how we do it:

Ask yourself:
1. How will I emotionally feel when “X” happens? How will I act/react to things differently in my life experience after “X” happens?
2. Begin to live this way, as if “X” has already happened!
3. Watch your life begin to change as your desire becomes your reality.

What happens is we become a (vibrational) match for our desired outcome. This is true manifestation. Most of us want the outcome to happen first THEN our mood and attitude will change. We must change our attitude and reactions first and then watch our desires manifest.

To Act As If takes quieting our ego, it means we don’t listen to that inner voice when it says, “But he/she is wrong.” “He/She makes no effort, why should I?” “This is too hard, I’m not doing it.”

Try this empowering act  for a week and you will be surprised with the outcomes you can produce just by Acting As If. After a month, you too will wonder how things can change and manifest so quickly. Put yourself to the test, it will be well worth the effort. I guarantee it.

Disempowerment, depression, anxiety, simple stress, big stress, loss of focus, anger, over eating, drinking or spending, suffering of any kind, the list goes on and on….All of this starts with a thought.

It’s time to monitor our thoughts! Each experience we have whether it be negative or positive begins with a simple thought. The question is, do we choose to  buy into it or not. The key word being CHOOSE.

We CAN disagree with what we are hearing in our minds.We are not helpless to our thoughts.  Our thoughts randomly and continuously come throughout the day. It’s time we ask ourselves, “Do they make me feel good?” OR “Do they make me feel bad?” It’s time we pay attention to what’s free flowing out of our minds. When the first, very small negative thought occurs, pay attention and notice that another one follows a bit larger than the first, then the next a bit larger etc. It’s very rare that we get hit with a whallop of  negative thoughts at once. BUT, the small one’s can build into giant one’s in about a minute. This is due to the Law of Attraction that states “like attracts like.” Therefore, one thought attracts another thought just like it, and with a lot of emotion behind it, that next thought is bigger and stronger than the first. This is why we sometimes feel like we were hit with an avalanche of negative thoughts. It’s a powerful law. This is also why awareness is SO important and stopping the FIRST negative thought as it comes into our awareness.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

TALK BACK to ourselves. When we hear that first negative statement, decide if you want to accept it or not. Here’s a hint….if it makes you feel bad, don’t accept it!

For example, if we hear ourselves saying something like, “I’ll never find a new job in this economy, I’m stuck!” We can respond, to that statement inside our heads and boldly state to ourselves, “Not true!” In that moment, the negative feed that’s coming down the pipeline has stopped!

HAVE A STATEMENT READY

When we hear, “I’m not good enough,” “Not pretty enough,” Won’t pick me because…””Never lose weight…etc. ” Pick a statement, they come all day long! What we can do is have a statement ready to combat the negative statement. So when we hear anything at all that’s negative, we can say “CANCEL,”  “I LOVE MYSELF,”  “I AM WORTHY,” “I AM POWERFUL”or “NOT TRUE!” etc. pick an empowering statement that can be said immediately after the negative statement and use it.  Sometimes the positive statement has to be said over and over. Just keep saying it!

THE CHALLENGE

Try for the rest of the day today not to say anything negative about yourself or anyone. I am not asking to be positive, just stop every time a negative thought comes to mind. This is excellent practice and ultimately if practiced often, life changing.

Our THOUGHTS are SO POWERFUL, they create our realities. We MUST pay attention and begin to talk back to ourselves when we have negative statements or thoughts. Once a negative statement begins, it’s a slippery slope and the others come fast. If we stop them quickly, after hearing the first one, it is without a doubt that our lives, our realities will begin to show up differently, better, more joyful, it is law.

My mind kept telling me that it would only get worse as the work/travel for work/sports/school- schedule went on. Less time, more to do, less time, more to do….(the broken record in my head). I began hearing myself state to my friends and family, “I have no time to get it all done!”” I’ll never get everything done.” “I’m so stressed!”

The kind, ever so perfect universe and the law of attraction simply matched my thoughts and beliefs of “so stressed and not enough time” and created for me more and more items on my to do list! So today I awoke with rapid heartbeat and the slight anxiety that I had had for days was full on anxiety, as I replayed my drama in my head.

I knew the only way out of this anxiety was to sit. Meditation is THE BEST drug on the market AND it’s FREE!  My ego/mind kept telling me for days that I had so much to do that I had no time to sit and “do nothing” (as my mind would tell me-(to meditate) so I kept pushing it off.

I chose to do it anyway…

In my meditation after a few minutes of silence I asked for guidance on how to help me to “find my way home.” I needed to hit “reset” on my life and get back to balance.

I immediately felt a “whoosh” in my heart center and then felt warmth fill me up and then expand out into the room. I sat in silence for minutes (which felt like an hour) and asked how to maintain this state. I heard very clearly the word, “Live in the Present.” I felt so light and peaceful, as if a warm comforter had been wrapped around me. I sat in gratitude for a few moments and decided to get up and go for a walk.

As I walked I saw the birds and the colors so differently, they were vibrant and beautiful, like I had never seen! I then had a thought about how I could not wait to blog about my experience and I began to think about what I was going to say. As my mind began to race again I heard very softly, “present.” I realized that I was completely out of the present and had allowed my ego/mind to take over and bring me into the future of writing my blog. I couldn’t believe how easily I had slipped out of that magnificent state. I chose to jump back in and as I did my power walk, I looked at everything as if seeing the outdoors for the first time. It was work to stay present moment as throughout the rest of the hour my mind kept drifting to the past or future and then I would redirect to present.

What an amazing walk I had. For those of us that have a difficult time sitting in silence and meditating, this is another fabulous way to meditate-Walking Meditation. It takes work and practice to live in the moment but the more we do it the easier it becomes.

Anything that can shift anxiety to peace in minutes is worth trying and incorporating into our daily routine. Even if it’s just for a few moments a day, practice living in the present, it’s where anxiety and stress DON’T live.

On our way home, I asked him to go back to the time period when he felt tired with his friend. (I wanted to use this as a real life learning example for him.)

I asked him to think back to what was going through his mind and what he was feeling.  Of course at first his response was, “I don’t know.” My response was yes you do know, now sit with it and get your thoughts and feelings around that time period.

Sure enough, he said to me, “I felt like I might get judged by her.”  I exclaimed, “Perfect!” “What else?” I asked him to reflect on if he felt: too young, too short, too skinny, hair too short, not good enough etc.

He answered, “Yes, a lot of those things.”

I let him know that the ego/mind is in charge of keeping us safe. It is the part of us that tells us that someone else is judging us and what they are ‘probably’ saying and that we need to get out of there FAST! My son wanted to stay but the ego/mind was screaming, “Red alert! Judging! Get out of here and fast!” But he stayed and got fatigued because his energy drained out of his emotional body. Too ‘scary’ to stay, to painful to be judged were probably the thoughts that were coming to him (consciously and subconsciously).

I reminded him how ‘tricky’ the ego can be and that so much of what it whispers to us is not true. It’s our job to disagree with the ego mind and only put in statements that are positive and empowering and not buy into the limiting beliefs such as what happened to him.

At 42 years old, I, like all of us deal with the ego mind. I loved this example of how it sneaks up on us and can create fatigue. Empower yourself with your thoughts and watch your energy amplify in minutes.

We get the validation from our friend or family member that we were right and “the culprit” is totally wrong. At the end of the conversation, when we are done venting, we say to our friend, “Thanks for Listening.”

When we take into consideration the Law of Attraction which states, “like attracts like”, or “what you think (or talk) about comes about,” do we really want to be telling our story all over again, creating more of what we don’t want? The irony is that we thank our friends for helping us to create more of the same exact thing that made us upset to begin with!

The world we live is in a mirror for all of our thoughts and beliefs. When someone gossips about you, it’s because you gossip too (even if it’s only once in awhile). When someone treats you with disrespect they are simply mirroring the disrespect that you feel toward yourself, but are unwilling to look at. When a parent allows their child to yell at them, and does not discipline them, on some level the parent believes they deserve it.

A client of mine was pregnant with her 2nd child and continuously thought that something bad was going to happen to her baby. She weekly attracted in women that told her horrifying stories about their complications with pregnancy and/or the birthing experience. When she and her husband excitedly shared the news of being pregnant with baby #2 with her mother in law, the response was that she was not going to say anything to anyone in case she had a miscarriage! (By the way,her mother in law did not say this when hearing the news of baby #1).

She lived with stories like this for months. She came for a session I asked her why she was attracting in all of these people and their terrible stories. Because like thoughts/beliefs attract like thought/beliefs and experiences, we decided to examine her beliefs around this baby. We found her belief to be that she did not deserve to have another healthy child, since she had already had one. We worked through that belief and shifted her worthiness around having another healthy child. THAT DAY was the last day she heard any horrifying stories about child birth, problems with pregnancy and the loss of a child. Her thoughts and beliefs had changed and her new experiences reflected that.

The only part of us that enjoys (and needs) to tell “our story” and how we were hurt is our ego/mind. It is looking for validation that it is right and the other person is in the wrong.

The empowering thing to do when something negative happens in life, is to become aware of our part in attracting it. We need to look in the mirror and take responsibility for our thoughts and beliefs. These are the very things that create our negative and positive life events. We have no one to blame for a negative event but ourselves and our sloppy thinking/beliefs. Look at each negative event as a gift. It’s the gift of showing us which limiting thoughts/beliefs to clean up to change our life for the better.